Mike,

 >  DS> ..A fellow ham radio operator
 >  DS> has Windows 7, and he refers to Windows 10 as "Satan's
 >  DS> Little Sex Toy".

 > I would probably suggest Daryl stay away from that guy.

 MP> You might be onto something there.  He could be dangerous.  

  I've had more than enough tragedy and disaster in my life since
I lost my Mom just over a year and a half ago. 2021 is far worse
than 2020...and suffice it to say, if the COVID-19 stimulus check
doesn't arrive by April 1, I'm looking at selling the car, shutting
down the BBS, getting rid of the Post Office Box, and downgrading the
cellphone service...with very few people getting the new number.

  This basically cuts me off from the outside world, giving up all 
my hobbies, getting groceries and medications delivered, and only 
going out with Uber to few and far between medical appointments. 
I will be alone, a prisoner in my own home...eating very little 
each day, and basically in a depression mode around the clock, 
just sleeping.

  Yesterday was my 61st birthday, but it was NOT happy by any means.
In fact, it has been the worst birthday I have ever had in my life.

  Between my Mom's death in August, 2019...the field rats in October, 
2019...COVID-19 restrictions in 2020...a car wreck in early 2021...
then nearly losing my right eye in a freak accident last week...as 
well as forking out $250 to fix a toilet tank overflow, $125 to 
remove a dead uprooted tree, that nearly gouged my right eye out 
when I tried to move it, then wondering how I'm going to pay the 
$1000 deductible on the repairs from the flooded bathrooms...I'm 
fighting to keep from being overdrawn. While I have overdraft
protection on the bank account, I'd still get dinged a charge
for every insufficient funds transaction.

  In short, I cried my eyes out much of yesterday...and did not
sleep well last night. I feel like I'm cursed, and wonder what 
I've done to deserve all this crap. I'm glad my parents and wife 
are long since dead and gone, and aren't here to see me suffer (I
have been a widower for nearly 14 years). My late wife and I never 
had any kids, and so many folks at this stage of life have too much 
baggage and drama in their lives...and with all I have now, I don't 
want or need anymore...never mind someone else not wanting to take 
all this on as well. I'm eating very little right now, although I 
need to lose a bunch of weight anyway.

  I hate to see nearly 30 years of BBS, ham radio, and square 
dancing go down the drain...but unless I could get lucky enough 
to hit the lottery ticket (I think I have a better chance of 
getting hit by lightning for the 3rd time), my days of being 
visible may be drawing to a close. That would mean the end of
the longest running BBS left in Arkansas, among other things.
It makes me wonder if I should even bother to update or add
things on the BBS right now.

  I also hate to impose on folks, and don't want to feel obligated
to pay someone back for help. Just over $1100 a month on disability
doesn't go very far...and yet, you've got all the greedy bastards
in Washington, DC...who lament they can't survive on $250,000+ a
year...they don't have a clue. Before the election, they give the
voters a thumbs up. But once elected, they flip them off with the
bird. Then, the folks with SSI and food stamps say that what I get
is too much money...do NOT get me started on that garbage.

  If I shut down, I will likely donate the BBS computer to a 
local area Sysop. In that regard, I wonder if it's even worth 
trying to sell all the BBS related files, door keys, etc. That
will also mean that GatorNet and RadioWeatherNet will NOT be
revived...and all my postings will go away. I likely won't be
calling any other BBS's after the shutdown, as it'd be like
pouring salt into an open wound.

  Right now, I can't even afford to go to the eye doctor to
check for possible damage, with nearly getting my right eye
gouged out...and may end up postponing the colonoscopy set
for next month...yet, I've been full of crap for years.  

  Needless to say, I'm not a happy camper right now. The hobbies
were the only things keeping me sane...I guess I'm going to go
"nucking futs"...while I have a breakdown.

  I won't make a decision until next Thursday...and that's no
April Fool. But, I need to do something to get my mind off of
this, or I'm going to start crying incessantly again. I'm not
suicidal...but wonder if the tagline below may soon become 
appropriate.

Daryl

... "Go away. I'm all right."  -H.G. Wells last words
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