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Message   Leslie Lancaster    Christopher Gil   hey!   May 8, 1995
 3:52 PM *  

Re: hey!

> Emptiness- is it a state of mind
> Or is it a physical thing?
> Is it a noun or an adjective
> And to what does it modify?
> Remember what a room is
> And what it encased.

You didn't ask for feedback, but I'd like to put in my two cents.

Your topic is too large.  Emptiness?  Of what?

The best poetry I've ever read has been about small things; the death of a
sick puppy after it pooped on the paper (Good dog), what a winidow does with
her dead husband's underwear, cooking 46 cheeseburgers and 40 orders of
fries, a childhood memory, the first time you did it in the back seat of a
car with a girl you didn't particularly like.  These are the e topics that
make up a life.

The thing you did with the grammar inferences is too analytical for the
subject of emptiness.  It makes the poem sound....well, contrived a little
bit, like you were looking up the word in the dictionary because you couldn't
think of anything else to say.

My intention is not to be brutal in this critique.  Perhaps if you narrowed
it down to the emptiness of a rainy day when you're home by yourself and
bored stupid.....
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